Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Letters of Love (Part 1) - 1875

I copy the following word for word from this book. As I read it for the hundredth time, I cannot help to think that much of the advise given below is still so very appropriate and useful today. In addition, I believe that if I had not put the date of the book above, and changed a small bit of the wording, Christian parents would find all of the advice given still very relevant and appropriate. Enjoy.

Of all letters, the love letter should be the most carefully prepared. Among the written missives , they are the most thoroughly read and re-read, the longest preserved, and the most likely to be regretted in after life.

The Importance of Care

They should be written with the utmost regard for perfection. An ungrammatical expression, or a word improperly spelled, may seriously interfere with the writer's prospects, by being turned to ridicule. For any person, however, to make sport of a respectful, confidential letter, because of some error in the writing, is in the highest degree unladylike and ungentlemanly.

Necessity of Caution

As a rule, the love letter should be very guardedly written. Ladies, especially, should be very careful to maintain their dignity when writing them. When, possibly, in after time the feelings entirely change, you will regret that you wrote the letter at all. If the love remains unchanged, no harm will certainly be done if you wrote with judgment and care.

At What Age to Write Love Letters

The love letter is the prelude to marriage, a state that, if the husband and wife be fitted for each other, is the most natural and serenely happy; a state, however, that none should enter upon until, in judgement and physical development, both parties have completely matured. Many a life has been wrecked by a blind impulsive marriage, simply resulting from a youthful passion. As a physiological law, man should be twenty-five, and woman twenty-three, before marrying.

Approval of Parents

While there may be exceptional cases, as a rule, correspondence should be conducted only with the assent and approval of the parents. If it is not so, parents are themselves generally to blame. If children are properly trained, they will implicitly confide in the father and mother, who will retain their love until they are sufficiently matured to choose a companion for life. If parents neglect to retain this love and confidence, the child, in the yearning for affection, will place the love elsewhere, frequently much too early in life.

Time of Courtship

Ladies should not allow courtship to be conducted at unseasonable hours. The evening entertainment the walk, the ride, are all favorable for the study of each other's tastes and feelings. For the gentleman to protract his visit at the lady's residence until a late hour, is almost sure to give offence to the lady's parents, and is extremely ungentlemanly.


The love letter should be honest. It should say what the writer means, and no more. For the lady or gentleman to play the part of a coquette, studying to see how many lovers he or she may secure, is very disreputable, and bars in its train a long list of sorrows, frequently wrecking the domestic happiness for a life-time. The parties should be honest also in the statement of their actual prospects and means of support. Neither should hold out to the other wealth or other inducements that will not be realized, as disappointment and disgust will be the only result.

Marrying For A Home

Let no lady commence and continue a correspondence with a view to marriage, for fear that she may never have another opportunity. It is the mark of judgement and rare good sense to go through life without wedlock, if she cannot marry for love. Somewhere in Eternity, the poet tells us, our true mate will be found. Do not be afraid of being an "old maid." The disgrace attached to that term has long since passed away. Un

1 friends said...:

  1. thanks for sharing! my parents definitly got married at an age that is higher than the "law" my dad was 36 and my mom was 28.

    Lauren Ann


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